Using the Enneagram
to Create a Thriving
Gospel-Centered Marriage
Becoming Us is both a wake-up call and an instruction manual for couples in a committed relationship who want to see and understand one another from a fresh perspective. Individuals often enter into marriage with the potentially harmful assumption that they know themselves and their spouse. This “assumiside’ can leave them feeling disappointed and disillusioned when they run into the same misunderstandings months, years, or even decades after saying “I do.”
Enneagram expert Beth McCord and Pastor Jeff McCord combine their more than 20 years of marriage wisdom, pastoral experience, and Enneagram studies to provide a roadmap for couples feeling stagnant or frustrated with their relationship. Applying the powerful tool of the Enneagram through a Biblical perspective, Becoming Us gives couples clarity into their unique personalities and relationship dynamics, helping them break free from unhealthy patterns and transform into the couple God designed them to be.
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Helping Couples Find Their True Identities
The book walks couples through the process of discovering and exploring their Enneagram Types, their Core Motivations, and how these fears, desires, weaknesses, and longings shape their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It also outlines the specific ways each personality views their childhood experience, handles communication and conflict, and feels most valued, loved, and supported by their significant other.
The Heart Behind the Book
The McCords’ heart for Becoming Us is to give couples the insights they wish they had from the start of their relationship. Readers will enjoy the way the authors weave in their own personal and relationship stories, sharing relatable anecdotes from their marriage journey. The book will also help partners understand their relationship “dance,” and show them how to align it with the hope and truth of the Gospel. When spouses know and experience the unconditional love, forgiveness, and freedom they have in Christ, they can experience the intimate and thriving relationship of their dreams.
Who Should Read Becoming Us?
Individuals
It will accelerate growth and transform the way you approach every relationship in your life. The increased self-awareness, healing, and freedom you experience will profoundly make an impact on you personally and spiritually.
Small Groups
God calls us to community, not only with Himself, but also with others. He wants to use the people in our lives to help us grow and thrive. It is a powerful thing when God’s people come together to get to know His character, and seek His will in their lives. Reading Becoming Us as a community will strengthen your group dynamics, helping each member feel more supported and inspired to reach their full potential.
Dating, Engaged, and Married Couples
It will accelerate growth and transform the way you approach every relationship in your life. The increased self-awareness, healing, and freedom you experience will profoundly make an impact on you personally and spiritually.
Hi, We’re Beth & Jeff McCord
The Gospel and the helpful insights from the Enneagram changed everything.
Here’s our story.
We got married at the ripe age of 20. Full of optimism and dreams for the future, we were totally sure we’d easily have a happy and fulfilling marriage. It makes us laugh and cringe to think about all that we had to learn over the next 24 years. It didn’t take long for problems to arise in our relationship. We just couldn’t fathom how we could be dealing with so much turbulence when our dating life was so rich and fun.
There’s always friction when you put two personalities with different perspectives, backgrounds, and interests together, and we quickly felt disappointed and resentful. We didn’t understand ourselves, one another, and the fullness we already had in Christ, so we spent the next few years hitting the same relational walls over and over again. By our fourth year of marriage, we were completely frustrated, ashamed, and desperate.
The Gospel and the Enneagram changed everything.
We learned to recognize the ways we would each think, speak, and act when we were out of alignment with the Gospel. We discovered that much of the time, the root of our marriage issues stemmed from not truly understanding one another’s hearts, and insisting that our point of view be seen as right. We believe that if we’d had the tool of the Enneagram from a Gospel perspective earlier, it would have helped us to avoid so much pain and misunderstanding.
Imagine how your relationship would change if you really trusted the amazing news of the Gospel, believing that Christ is restoring you and your significant other. God has an amazing plan for your relationship, and He put you with your spouse - along with all your thought patterns and quirks - to accomplish His purposes. Challenges are inevitable, but when you learn to navigate them in a healthy way, you’ll experience transformational grace and abundant life.
"Becoming Us has been such an eye-opener for me and my husband. I had just started looking into the enneagram as just another personality test, but the way that the McCords point you to the Gospel for understanding and growth is truly unique and very beneficial. Instead of feeling like I couldn't help the way my personality was, I am learning how to grow to the best version of who I am using the Gospel as my transformation and the enneagram as a tool to understanding."
ā€”Jessica Ham
"Becoming Us has been such an eye-opener for me and my husband. I had just started looking into the enneagram as just another personality test, but the way that the McCords point you to the Gospel for understanding and growth is truly unique and very beneficial. Instead of feeling like I couldn't help the way my personality was, I am learning how to grow to the best version of who I am using the Gospel as my transformation and the enneagram as a tool to understanding."
ā€”Jeremy Little
"Overall, I think the book was just super helpful to help me see the different ways that people, my spouse included, communicate and be more aware of what I can do to appeal to different communication styles. Highly recommend!"
ā€”Zachary Rich
"This book is a wonderful tool to help in correcting one's perspective of spouse and self with use of the enneagram in light of the Gospel. Understanding myself and my husband's core fears, motivation and values has radically changed how I think about our marriage. In understanding better where we each can, and need to, lean more on Christ I can begin to offer more Grace and appreciate our uniqueness as individuals loved by God. Also, I love the format and ease of use of this book especially for an enneagram newbie like myself! "
